To listen to the original podcast click here.
Eva Blymiler:
Hi, this is the Pure Living Family podcast. I'm Eva. My little brother is Theo and my mom and dad are Shawn and Angela.
Shawn Blymiler:
Hello friends. Thank you for joining us for another episode of the Pure Living Family podcast. Angela has taken on a bunch of episodes and today I come back, talk about men's health and I bring my new friend, Joe Speredon. Joe and I met at a men's group and we're going to talk all about in that story here in just a second. But Joe, welcome to the podcast and thanks for joining us.
Joe Speredon:
Thanks, brother. Glad to be here.
Shawn Blymiler:
Well, just give a little background, context. Some of the listeners follow me on Instagram and I've been to a few of the Utah Men's Group events now, which had been awesome. The first one I attended, we probably had, what, 15 people there that were inside that small place up in Sugar House. And then the last one I just went to had about 73, right?
Joe Speredon:
Right, yeah.
Shawn Blymiler:
So we were gone in Mexico for five weeks. So I missed, I think, two of them between that time, but why don't you tell us that story of how did this Utah Men's Group come to be? You're obviously the father of this program. So tell us your story.
Joe Speredon:
Yeah, so it started back in 2020 when I think everyone had a little bit of a kind of midlife crisis, whether we identified it as the middle of our life or not, but for me as I was turning 40 that year and everything that COVID threw us into as a society, existentially, religiously had a lot of different stuff coming together. I found a group. I was introduced to a group called Sacred Sons.
Joe Speredon:
Sacred Sons is a men's group. They don't operate out of any particular location, but they had an event that they were doing in October of that year in California. I went to this group very reluctantly on my own, recognizing that it was going to make me very uncomfortable, but that I probably needed to be uncomfortable. I went to this group and didn't feel like I fit the demographic at all, but it was a life-changing experience. These men met me, held space for me, let me express myself and reveal myself in ways that I'd really never done before with a group of men.
Joe Speredon:
And as I experienced this with them, in really this first moment for myself, the one thing that I said was, "I don't know how to take this home." Because I was the only from Utah that was there and they didn't have a lot of people that fit what I believed to be my demographic. And I didn't really know what to do, but I was invited by the brothers there to start exploring leadership roles with them and to start creating these circles, these gatherings in Utah.
Joe Speredon:
So in December of 2020, a couple months later, I put on my own Instagram page. I said, "Hey, we're going to do a get-together here. We're going to talk about real things. We're going to express our feelings," and no one showed up. So there was literally zero people. I remember I took a picture of the room because no was there and it was more for myself than anyone else, but I felt so strongly about this, and it had affected my life in such a strong way, that I kept doing those groups.
Joe Speredon:
I started to getting a little bit of engagement. I'd get sometimes one guy, sometimes three, sometimes five. And your first event that you attended, I think I counted we had 21 at one point. And I remember texting a couple people that have followed my journey. And I was so excited. 21 was mind blowing that we had that many men showing up for this experience. And just, it's grown from there obviously.
Shawn Blymiler:
Well, a couple things. First of all, how were you introduced to Sacred Sons? What called out people to even hold space of interest to explore that event in California?
Joe Speredon:
I'd seen several of their advertisements on Instagram and I have a few friends that operate in that same space. You can call it the conscious community, whatever it might be. It intrigued me, but it scared me. And again, in my life, where I was at in life, I had checked off a lot of boxes in my life up to that point in time. And what I believe that society and culture had told me was, "Hey, you've arrived. You have this solid job and you have kids and the house, all these things and you're supposed to be happy and fulfilled now." And in many, many ways I was.
Joe Speredon:
In many ways, I really felt very blessed and very content, but there was something inside of me that I really couldn't describe, that I couldn't put my finger on. That was this level of anxiety, this level of fear and panic. And it was very much existential where I'm considering my existence on the planet. Not even just my role as a father or a business owner, whatever it might be, but just, why am I here at all?
Joe Speredon:
And I had read and explored a lot of Ryan Holiday's works around stoicism and that had really resonated with me, but there was, again, just still something missing and really what it was, was connection. It was connection to a larger tribe, to a larger group of men that I believe calls to all of us when we're ready to hear the calling.
Shawn Blymiler:
Well, I love that. And the second question I wanted to get to is, so that event that I attended, the first one, the theme of that one was Divine Masculine. And we went around and defined it for ourselves, what it meant to us. The one thing that stood out to me about the group was the leadership that you embodied as far as when you get a bunch of men together in a room and you're inviting them to express emotions... And let's just be honest, men are, what's the proper terminology? Stunted a lot of times when it comes to emotionality, expressive, in articulating what we think and feel. And so I really appreciated how you showed up and how you kind of corralled people to the purpose of the meeting.
Shawn Blymiler:
What was the standout for you of that meeting as you think about that divine masculine? What things stand out to you in your memory?
Joe Speredon:
Oftentimes in life, and I see this in my own children as they're young, one of the things that I think we're looking for quite often is permission. Whether that's from our friends or our spouse or our neighbors, or our church leaders, or our boss, or whatever it might be, we've grown up being conditioned to need permission. Again, you go back to the educational system, you need permission to go to the bathroom, right? You need permission for almost everything.
Joe Speredon:
And as men, we've been very much conditioned to not express our emotions. And that is contrary to our natural state of being. One of the things that I feel like I do well and that's important to the men's work, is when I stand up I'm willing to show vulnerability, when I can show up an authentic way and I can talk about times where I am scared, or I'm sad, or I'm anxious. Even in that moment, it gives a subconscious, mental and emotional permission for men to do the same.
Joe Speredon:
And sure enough, as soon as they have that permission, holy hell, there's a whole bunch of stuff that was down there that needs to come out, that they want to share, that they're excited to express. They have just not given themselves permission to even consider that. So it's really cool to see that when that light switch turns on and they have permission to take off the mask and really be themselves.
Shawn Blymiler:
Well, and you're a behemoth of a man. Just for those listeners, let's get an idea of your size. So how tall and how much do you weigh, if you don't mind sharing?
Joe Speredon:
Not at all. I used to be 6'7". I think I'm getting a little older and it's closer to 6'6" now. And when things are going well, I'm about two 250. Right now, I'm closer to about 275, which we can joke about it, but again, in our conditioning, as we size each other up, and as we look at other archetypes of masculinity, I'm a big, strong guy with a deep voice and a beard and all the things. So again, if I show up and I give myself permission and I start speaking about real life and real feelings and things that we all feel and we all experience, there is again that implicit permission for the other men to do the same.
Shawn Blymiler:
Well, and the other memory that you just sparked of that night is we talked a lot about archetypes, the Carl Jung archetypes. And I love Carl Jung I think you embody his spirit a ton where you talk about the divine masculine and even giving permission. Carl Rogers is another one that's very similar to Carl Jung where they talk about self actualization, that a lot of times people show up with a version of themselves that they think people would deem acceptable. They present only portions of themselves that they think people will accept, but what Carl Rogers and Carl Jung taught is you give people permission to show all of themselves. And that's kind of what you're doing as well, right?
Joe Speredon:
Yeah. I like to think so. It's two pieces. One, we have to meet that in ourselves. There's a lot of things about me that I never knew, which I know sounds kind of funny, but as I've looked at myself and raised that level of self-awareness, whether that's through meditation, or journaling, or exercise, or whatever it might be, there's a lot of modalities that I think help us become self-aware. And then in that self-awareness, we now have a reference point of where we are so that we can go somewhere. It's kind of like looking at a map. If you don't know where you are, the map is virtually useless.
Joe Speredon:
So as I talk about that, and we do activities within this men's circle or in the different meetings that we have, where men become more self-aware. "Oh, that's why I do that?" Or, "Hey, me too. Maybe I have the same kind of thing that you have." And from that point of self-awareness, then they're able to realize where they want to be. And as we talked about these different archetypes and where we want to go, that authenticity is a superpower. When there's nothing left to hide, when there's nothing left that you feel like you're going to be judged for or shamed for, or blamed for, or you just stop caring that you're going to be shamed or blamed or judged for whatever it might be, nothing can hurt you.
Joe Speredon:
Because as a society, we've been conditioned to want to be part of the pack. From an evolutionary standpoint, back in the day you get kicked out of the tribe, that's almost certain death, so we have this desire to stay within the tribe. And from that place of, even when I'm aware of this is what I'm doing, I'm going to wear a mask and say that I'm not so that I can be accepted by the tribe. Well, we've created a new tribe where we've all got our things. We all have our weaknesses, we all have our problems, and you mean to tell me that even though I have these things and you can know about them, I'm not going to be kicked out? Exactly, right? And that's magical.
Shawn Blymiler:
I love that because part of my life lesson is I hid a lot of myself in fear of rejection, in fear of, like you talked about, being kicked out of the tribe. And sometimes what I've learned is maybe I needed to be kicked out of the tribe to find more of myself. And that's been really something amazing that I've witnessed as I share more of my authentic self, be it on Instagram or in real life, that's where I have true connection because then people can actually see and witness me and they can relate because they've had similar experiences. And so I love that, what you're creating. It's beautiful. Why don't you tell us what your vision is long term? You had 73 people at the last one. How do you see this continuing, what are your hopes for it?
Joe Speredon:
Right. And that's a great question. This has grown quickly and already beyond what I'd initially anticipated it being, at least at the rate at which it's arrived there. So I definitely have this problem in front of me of, we've got a lot of people showing up and what a wonderful problem to have, but what do we do about that?
Joe Speredon:
So we've started to, from the men that are showing up consistently at these events and showing up in that authenticity, I believe that we're identifying men that want to show up in leadership. And not from a place of, "Oh, there's money to be made." Because, guess what? We don't charge anything. But from a place of, "This is necessary, and this is healing, and this is community, and I want to be a part of it."
Joe Speredon:
So as these men are showing up and really revealing themselves, we're doing some different leadership trainings so that other men can do the same thing and they can learn how to create the space. They can learn how to invite men into these activities that raise self-awareness. They can learn how to challenge these men in accountability moving forward as we set goals with each other and resolve to continue to grow.
Joe Speredon:
So, where do I see it going? I have a personal coaching practice and I do a weekly Zoom call for men that want a little additional connection. And I've never even brought it up to the men circle because it's so important for me that that place stay free of sales pitch. I believe that we need that. We need one space where we're not being sold something.
Joe Speredon:
So I expect this to continue to grow. I will continue to facilitate circles. And the other brothers that have been a part of that will continue to do that. And at some point we'll probably have to expand to where I bring more brothers in to facilitate and to grow. And the tribes will become more localized to regions and things like that. And then hopefully we can have big parties where we get a thousand of us together at a given time and just be together in that place.
Shawn Blymiler:
That would be amazing. I'm thinking of my patient population that I serve or the people that I serve, that I care to serve more than anyone, and that's the special needs' parents population.
Shawn Blymiler:
The reason I'm bringing this up is I have been the one that has held our family back. I'm guilty of that. So I know there are other dads out there that are like me. My wife really asked me for a long time to follow her intuition as the mother. And for a long time, I did not listen and I was a doubter. It wasn't until I tested her intuition that I was able to really see her power in her feminine, her divine feminine.
Shawn Blymiler:
So I guess the question would be, for those dads out there that are burdened. And it could be special needs dads or they could just be normal dads, but they're feeling the weight of the world on their shoulders. Maybe it's an existential crisis, a faith crisis, their shelf has broken and they don't know the answers to some of life's most challenging questions. What are the things that you would say to them?
Joe Speredon:
It's a wonderful question. I get goosebumps as you pose that to me. I would beg them to come join us. We, as men, [inaudible 00:20:02] tend to convince ourselves that no one cares and it's a narrative we tell ourselves whether it's in the gym... Like, "No one cares. Work harder." Or if it's at the office, "No one's going to notice me until I get here or do this thing. No one cares. I've got to look out for number one."
Joe Speredon:
In this circle, we hold each other up and support each other so we then can go effectively hold up and support our families. And again, as you go back and look at tribes or different groups over the history of time, these men's groups existed organically, sometimes around hunting or different responsibilities within the tribe. But you would get together in these groups. And you're surrounded by like-minded men. You're surrounded by men that are in similar situations.
Joe Speredon:
Now, whether you're a father, or a husband, or a son that's providing for your family that way, oftentimes we are called on to provide and to guide our family, and to protect. And as we get together here in these groups, that is when you're able to let the guard down. That is when you're able to be with men that you know care about you, that you are safe with them. And I know the narrative, "Nobody cares. They don't care about me. They care about my money. They care about..."
Joe Speredon:
So again, I was hell bent on this not being something that we charge for, because I want to remove that excuse that, "Oh, they just care about my money." No, we care about you. We care about you as a part of the tribe. And every event that we have, some man will step in and say, "I've never trusted men." They'll come in and say, "I have these wounds around trusting men." Or, "I have this trauma from trusting men." And within 30 minutes of being in our group, they feel that love, they feel that safety to where they can be vulnerable and authentic and real again.
Joe Speredon:
And it is, it is so cathartic and so healing, so medicinal just to be in that space that as you leave, you feel reinvigorated and you have the wherewithal to go lead your family again. To support them, to show up and be the strength that they need you to be.
Shawn Blymiler:
Well, and we have listeners around the globe, so I'm thinking of them now. And I just want to invite them. If you have interest in coming to Utah and joining a Utah Men Circle for a week, you're more than welcome to reach out to me. We have a spare bedroom in my house. Because this experience that I've had is exactly what Joe was saying. I was part of a faith that I left. I didn't feel like it was supporting me any longer with what I was facing. So I was searching. I have been searching for a support system. And the Utah Men Circle has been that for me, so that I can be more complete, that I have more to give.
Shawn Blymiler:
And on the purelivingfamily.com, we state, we give you permission to take better care of yourself so you can take better care of those special souls that you care for. So from my own personal experience, Utah Men Circle, Joe, Taylor, Tony, that help run these events are pure, and they're loving. And I've spent time with every single one of them and they're not worried... Obviously, got to pay the bills, but they're not doing this for the money. They're not charging you. They're there to serve people.
Shawn Blymiler:
Anyway, that's... I know we like to keep this about 30 minutes. So we have about five minutes left. Why don't you tell us what you want the world to know and where people can find you.
Joe Speredon:
Okay, yeah. What I want the world to know is it's time to evolve. I believe that we are evolving, that we're continuing to evolve. I work specifically with men. I do this because of the experience that I've had in men working with me and meeting me and showing up for me. It's so hard to quantify the effect that this has had in my life, the way that I show up in every facet of my life, from finding men to connect with. Whether you're in Utah or anywhere else, the key piece here is to create a safe space for authenticity to happen, for vulnerability to happen.
Joe Speredon:
And if you can find that with a group of men, beautiful. You'll start to see magic happen. If you can create that within your own home, beautiful. You'll start to see magic happen. If you can create that with your partner, beautiful, you'll start to see magic happen. Creating a safe space where authenticity can happen, devoid of judgment, devoid of blame or shame, creates this magical space.
Joe Speredon:
The last thing that I really speak a lot about is the idea of internal cause, external effect. Meaning I create the reality that I experience day to day. I believe the world in general right now wakes up and says, "Oh my gosh, what's going to happen to me? How am I going to be acted upon by this world outside of myself?" So we spend a lot of time trying to control what everyone else is doing, trying to change what everyone else is doing so that we can feel a certain way. And that is not a sustainable way to live life. It's exhausting.
Joe Speredon:
But as you start to take accountability for your life, for the things you're creating, you naturally change the circumstances around you and you create community. You create beautiful things. In the circle, we talked about owning our crap, owning our mistakes, owning our past, owning our poor choices so that we can own our greatness. One is necessary for the other, because we have to own all of it. You can't take credit for this successful business, but then blame the failed business on the poor economy. We have to take accountability for everything in our lives. And as we do that, our ability to change our lives and change the world grows exponentially.
Shawn Blymiler:
Beautiful. And how do people find you? Is it best through Instagram? How are people to reach you?
Joe Speredon:
You can find me on Instagram. It's Joe Speredon. And then also joesperedon.com if you wanted to know more about me. Again, I do personal coaching, then I have a weekly group coaching as well, as I, like you said, want to continue to pay the bills and be able to support myself and my family.
Shawn Blymiler:
Perfect. Well, we're just about running out of time and I appreciate you jumping in on this call. I'll leave your links to your Instagram and your website in the show notes. But Joe has a heart of gold, very pure. And I've been very grateful to interact with you, and every time we have. So I'm looking forward to more work to do together. Any last comments before we end the call?
Joe Speredon:
No, this is exactly what I'm about. I very much agree. I love what you're doing. I love seeing you in the community, you and your wife and your beautiful family. And there's commonality and there's parallels in the things that we're pursuing, so I love being team together with other good and pure people who want to change the world and really go out and bless lives. So thank you for being you, Shawn.
Shawn Blymiler:
Thank you for being you and thanks for being my friend, and thanks for joining us.
Joe Speredon:
It's my pleasure, brother.
Eva Blymiler:
Hi, this is the Pure Living Family podcast. I'm Eva. My little brother is Theo and my mom and dad are Shawn and Angela.